“Another reason men resist naming male violence is that men tend to think of the male as the default human. This means they can’t see male patterns as male—they just see them as human.” – Jennie Ruby, “Male-Pattern Violence”
I have too many anecdotes to name: a friend’s father abused her because her nightshirts “tempted him” and she spent most of her adulthood confused about whether or not she had, however unintentionally, tempted this man to do what he did. Another friend was raped in her dorm and the first question from authorities was, “Why didn’t you have the door locked?” leaving her agonizing, for years, about why she hadn’t locked the door.
When my uncle left my aunt, after thirty-five years of marriage, he left her high-and-dry, claiming she had driven him to cheat because she “spent too much time” with my grandmother who was, then, dying of Alzheimer’s. There were tears (his) and accusations (his) and in the end, my aunt was left utterly confused about who was to “blame” for his affair and subsequent leaving.
When my high-school girlfriend’s brother beat the shit out of me on the front lawn, he claimed I’d “frightened him.” He said he thought I was, perhaps, an intruder. This left me very confused about whether or not he’d just beat me for dating his sister or for, as a rather small teenage girl, “frightening” the muscly six-feet of him.
Men very seldom have to accept blame for the violence they perpetrate. Instead, the burden falls to girls, to women, to the primary victims of male violence. Girls and women are left to clean up the mess, to sort out the horrors, to work through the trauma. This is the very essence of misogyny. These are the very aims of patriarchy.
The “you made me” trope is common as pennies among men who disrespect, humiliate and abuse women. And worse yet, we all fall for it – the door should have been locked, the kid shouldn’t have been wearing nightshirts, the wife shouldn’t have spent so much time caring for her mother.
And this brilliant article made me think of all the more subtle, pernicious ways we shift blame from the male perpetrator to the female victim: http://www.offourbacks.org/malepat.htm
Queer and trans theory does this, too. While it tries to position itself as “radical,” what queer and trans theories do is they negate the legitimacy of not only biology but lived experiences by claiming “we’re all the same – our sex doesn’t matter!” (This is, mind you, no different, whatsoever, than what most men claim when confronted with the reality of male violence.)
Queer and trans theory posits “all experiences are subjective” and to suggest otherwise is “hateful.” Queer/trans theory posits we are all “the same.”
We are NOT all the same. I know that hurts people’s po-mo feelings, but it’s true.
I don’t know about my readers, but as for me, to suggest that I, with my biological, born status as woman, with my history of female socialization, my history of abuse and dresses, my menstruation, my female cancer am the same as a male who has a penchant for high heels and who is able to buy some estrogen so he can grow breasts is fucking insulting.
But in this way queer and trans theories work nicely within oppressive patriarchal constructs – if we can no longer “name,” if we can no longer nail down an actual lived reality, if everything (as queer/trans theory suggests) is subjective then there is nothing to address, no problem at all whatsoever.
Is it any wonder that the dominant culture has wholeheartedly embraced this philosophy?
Queer/trans ideology is anti-revolutionary. It colludes with the dominant paradigm by dismissing every horror, every infraction, every injustice against women as a “figment of our imagination” – or, it frames our grievances as “violence” against males who feel like women. Just as male violence goes unchecked by keeping women confused about who the perpetrator actually is, trans/queer theory attempts to confuse women about their reality.
Under trans/queer theory, biology becomes subjective, and therefore so, too, does misogyny and patriarchy. Queer/trans ideology is nothing more than people (men, mostly) forcing themselves into oppressive gender constructs and wishing away reality. Trans/queer theory is nothing more than men (mostly) renaming violence as “misgendering.”
Of course Laverne Cox made the cover of Time. Our culture loves trans ideology. Trans ideology will make everything nice and right again – no more icky gays, no more mean lesbians refusing to adopt the gender markers imposed upon them – males will behave as men and females will behave as women, and we have the medical ability to make that happen, damnit! Girls will like tutus and pink, boys will like firetrucks and baseball bats and if they don’t, we will give them drugs to make them “right.”
If this isn’t some serious Orwellian dystopian shit, then I don’t know what is.
Worst of all, trans/queer ideology triumphs, almost exclusively, at the expense of girls/women. Mark my words, every victory for “transwomen” is a victory for males, for the male worldview, for patriarchy. When we embrace the trans/queer ideology, we have agreed to be complicit in the continued subjugation of women: because according to this way of thinking, we’re all the same, no one suffers differently, there is no such thing as female because female can mean anything a man wants it to, and there’s no such thing as male violence because, according to men, there is no such thing as male.
Who does queer/trans ideology benefit, really? Ask yourselves that, sisters.